Twice I have aspired to participate in this phenomenon which is called NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. That is, the month of November. If you haven’t heard of it, the idea is to set a word goal for yourself, and using the provided website and other participants for encouragement, pound out a novel in one month. Suffice it to say I failed miserably both times, barely reaching several thousand words.
It was discouraging, making me feel as though I must not /really/ want to be a writer, if I can’t make myself just sit down and write. Both times I became frustrated with myself, and probably ended up hardly writing for weeks afterward, due to being burnt out on trying to make it work; trying to force myself to write something that I hadn’t even worked out a plot for. Ultimately, it felt like I had failed before I even began.
I refuse to do that again.
It is a wonderful idea, and it works for very many people, but not for me. Just because something is a good thing, doesn’t mean it’s a good thing for you personally. While self-enlightenment does tend to be a bit of an overstated thing these days, it is important to recognize things about yourself and how you work- physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually- as to live in a way that is wholesome, healthy, and beneficial to you and those that you care about.
That said, this November I will not burden myself with the goal to create. Creating, for me, shouldn’t be a goal or a deadline, it should be a pouring of soul into words and images.
So. This November, what I’m going to do instead is complete the 30-day Minimalist Challenge. Day one, you get rid of one thing. Day two- two things. And so on and so forth. I have always been way too materialistic, and it’s starting to clutter up my life, my living space, my mind, everything. I have too many things that fall under the category of “I’ll make something with it someday” or “It might be useful to have around someday”.
It will more than likely be a bit of a challenge, I fully acknowledge that, especially because lately I’ve been working hard to adopt more of a minimalistic lifestyle and therefore have already been getting rid of things left and right. I still have too much stuff though, so this November I’m letting it go.
I’m letting physical belongings go, and I’m going to try and let circumstances that are beyond my control go as well. I’m going to try and let crippling doubts and worries go. I’m going to let go of a performance based lifestyle and instead do the things that need done and that I love to do simply because that’s what I want to do, and that is what’s best for me. I am going to let go of my fear of being vulnerable. I am going to let go of the notion that circumstances are anything but what they are simply because I am met with disapproval or disdain.
So there. I’m letting go of the things that honestly matter much less than we generally think they do, and I’m letting go of unfair obligations I place upon myself to try and be someone. I am someone. Maybe I’m someone who forgets to brush my teeth, and binge-watches Netflix, and says things I shouldn’t to people who may or may not deserve it, but I am someone.
I don’t need to “better myself'”, I just need to do things that are better. Like letting crap go.
I will be cataloging the things I get rid of, and will probably post updates here on how things are going, how it’s affecting me mentally, etc.