Is It a Failure?


I want to talk for a minute about this whole “challenging myself to do this-or-that for a month” thing.

Because the reality of it is that I suck majorly at sticking to it. It’s not that I’m not dedicated or invested, it’s not outright giving up, it’s just… somewhere along the way I  realize that I came to a halt without even realizing it.

I just tried out the keto diet for almost a month. Got extremely frustrated and realized that diets will never work for me. I guess I learned? Is that what matters though? Is it a failure if you at least learned something by the time you decide not to finish?

I said I was going to draw something every day in July. Well.

It’s the 18th and I’ve missed a handful of days. Tonight I’m not even going to try and put something out, because it’s late and I have work early tomorrow. But I guess… it’s okay that I’m not sticking to my challenge, right? Because I’ve had more fun with my art than I have in a while, and because I’ve been expanding my talents and hopefully getting better?

Is it a failure if you’re getting better while you’re quitting?

I’m not asking this rhetorically either, like I have an answer or something- I sure as hell don’t.

I guess this all begs the question; if I’m getting better at doing things, and I’m learning things, and I’m realizing things, why do I have to feel like I’m failing? Just because I can’t follow through continuously? Just because I lack discipline? Will lacking discipline always feel like failure?

Do disciplined people not struggle with feelings of failure as often? Because at least they’re keeping up with their daily expectations of their own selves?

Beats me.

I’m struggling guys, but at the same time I feel like I’ve learned some things and am changing for the better. I guess that’s good?? It would sure be nice if it didn’t feel crappy along the way though.

I don’t know. I’m doing alright.





Some cool things,

I quit my job. Ha!

I have a new one and I love it, so there’s that. I work with fantastic people, I work for a fantastic business owner, I work in a beautiful brand new building, I get to make quality coffees with some really great beans supplied by a local roasting company. It’s all good.

Some good stuff.


We have our own lil home now. Cute lil apartment, but we’re poor and can’t buy any furniture yet so no pictures for a while.

But soon it will be full of plants and style and hopefully a cat.

I didn’t realize how much I miss cats until I got to visit one the other day, and I honestly feel like my life is just missing something so important.

I miss my family too. I miss being at mom and dad’s house with my siblings there, I miss Idaho weather, I miss real mountains and evergreens.

We went into Big Lots last night to buy a garbage can, and when Seth told the cashier his phone number for his member account, the guy was like “That’s an Idaho number!” So we told him that we had just moved from Coeur d’Alene, and he said “I’m from St. Maries!” Craziest thing ever. Smol world, sometimes.



(Also, Ikea is the actual best.)

Do ALL the things

Or, you know, none of them.

I wanna do all the things, so I usually end up doing nothing. HA.

I’ll probably have a job soon, baking for a coffee shop. I’ll most likely know within the week, so I’ll update again if that happens. Though I’m not excited about the idea of getting up at 3am, it will be good for me to have some routine back in my life.

Currently I’m just sleeping in, making food, staring at my in progress novel for hours on end without actually writing anything, listening to the same 15 songs on repeat, and adding things to the never ending list of creative projects I want to do.

Here’s where that list sits right now:
-Write main novel, Incipient.
-Write novella, Brittlebone.
-Write novella, Mastadon.
-Create cohesive comic starring Maskaal, the farce.
-Create photo project focusing on hands.
-Decide whether or not I want to actually write out one of the spookiest story ideas I’ve ever come up with.
-Draw satisfactory portraits of my characters from Incipient.

So yeah, I’ve got a lot on my mind.

I got a new tattoo before I left Idaho, in memory of Chance. I’ll have to blog about that sometime soon, because it ties in with the tattoo I got for David. Sure didn’t plan on getting these inky memories this soon, or this close together.

Socializing tip: telling people you’ve just met that two of your brothers died in the past year doesn’t make a very good “about me” topic. It’s important, but too sad and no fun. So there’s that.

I can’t remember what box I packed my inking pens into, and I really want them. What a drag.

Besides driving up to Brooklyn for a Bastille concert two days after we got here, we haven’t done anything particularly exciting. There’s bugs that scream outside our window at night. We went to a really rad restaurant uptown that had some mighty fine food, and the best banana pudding I’ve ever had (they put homemade marshmallow on top and then torch it before serving).

It’s neither difficult nor unpleasant sharing a house with other married folks-at least from my perspective ha ha- but I’m looking forward to finding a place of our own, once we have jobs and funds saved up. Housing isn’t too difficult to find here, you just have to be quick on the draw, because good deals go fast.

I probably had more to say, but I got distracted watching Youtube videos, and now I’m listening to Hans Zimmer’s Coachella performance, so I’m gonna wrap up.

Talk at y’all later ❤

Well, we pulled an all night drive on Friday, so we made it through most of Montana, all of South Dakota, and all the way down the border of Iowa before stopping for the night in St. Joseph, Missouri. 

Pardon us if we were less than impressed with the Midwestern states- in our defense we only saw what there is to see from the interstate, and we were also sleep deprived!

Today we passed through Kansas City, which was surprisingly pretty in some spots, and will be going through St. Louis and Nashville later on today. I saw my first real live cardinal, and we saw sweet roadside justice being served to a guy who had sped by us going ​waaayy over the speed limit. 

We definitely aren’t playing the tourist with this trip, which we’re more than okay with. The days leading up to us leaving were so busy, the whole Missoula debacle was exhausting, and we’re so sleep deprived. We just want to make it to our new home and crash as much as possible before heading up to the Bastille concert in Brooklyn this Thursday. 

Yes, we’re going to a concert in Brooklyn four days after we move to North Carolina. It was my Christmas present to Seth, so there’s no way we’re going to miss it! 

We’ll be arriving in Charlotte really late tonight, probably 2 or 3am. Not ideal, but it was imperative that we sleep as much as we did last night, so we’re okay with it being late. 

Has anyone heard of Wall Drug? If you have, just forget that you ever did. Don’t go there, don’t talk about it, don’t look into it. It’s a twilight zone, a 50’s ghost town throwback remeniscent of a landscape you might see in a Fall Out game.  

If you’re fool enough to turn off there, you begin to feel as though you’ve been drawn into a cult: where the closer you look the more you start to realize that the entire town is run by the same people, and it all has this bizarre, fairly well kept, pseudo-western facade on everything. 

It’s​ a place where if you spend too much time there, you’ll leave and realize that twenty years have passed and the world has continued to go on without you, but​ you never had a clue, because in Wall Drug things stayed exactly the same. The coffee was always 5¢. The food was always overpriced and disappointing. The jackalopes were always oddly disturbing, with their pheasant tail feathers and their bizarre bird feet.

You’ll never go back, of course, but Wall Drug will forever lurk at the back of your mind. You’ll always wonder if it was actually real, because you’ve never heard anyone else ever talk about it, and part of you will always feel like it’s being drawn back there to see if you can figure out just what was the deal with that place. And if you ever find yourself in a little town that has a distinctly old West vibe to it, you’ll start to think that maybe you never actually left Wall Drug after all. 

On the road again! 

A little more than 24 hours later, we’re back in the road! New car, same (slightly dented) trailer, only casualties that we know of are the Jeep and Seth’s poor monitor 😦 

Only 2336 miles to go! 

Meet the new car, Duck!

Rip Jeep, you were a (mostly) awesome car! 

Going to see how far we get tonight, I will probably post again tomorrow 🙂 

Seth likens this experience to moving up a level: we got a new car, made it through the first big obstacle of our journey, and are on our adventure again! 


Day One

Oh boy. Montana yield lights are confusing and pretty stupid.

That said, we’ve got a dented U-haul trailer, and​ a Jeep with the tow bar and part of the chassis half ripped off. 

The poor lady who hit the trailer in the intersection has no car now though, so she’s definitely worse off than us 😢 

The warranty on the trailer has basically paid for itself threefold though, and U-haul has set us up in a hotel for the night here in Missoula, and is helping us take care of the trailer (that got towed to a lot immediately following the accident).

The Jeep is unable to drive us to our destination now, so that’s a work in progress. After the accident, we had someone look at it and turns out the underside of the back end is so rusted out that it’s a wonder it held out so long. In truth I’m grateful that things went down like this, because if that tow bar had decided to go out at any other time it might have been disastrous. 

So we’re looking into other vehicle options right now, but we’re safe and unharmed. I don’t know if I can say the same for everything in the trailer, because I haven’t been able to look into it yet! Fingers crossed. 

As far as we could tell the other driver was okay. We heard that she was probably concussed, and they took her to the hospital, but she was up and walking on her own. Thank God we were both insured! We were cited for a basic traffic violation (failing to yield), and hopefully that’s as far as it goes. 

Hoping that tomorrow is smoother and quicker moving! 


We’re Off!

Bye house, bye Coeur d’Alene, bye Idaho! It’s been fun 😘

More posts to come 🙂